


This Entire Work is Shit

by XxDeva1PathxX



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 18:21:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14338341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxDeva1PathxX/pseuds/XxDeva1PathxX
Summary: Hi this is me and my TRASHSTUCK AU of all my characters please disregard this pile of complete and utter shame I've left here.





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is NUG YUUGA. As was previously mentioned, it is your wriggling day. Not that you particularly care. If anything, it is a sweep closer to uncertain death when you are either killed by a neighbor or culled for your MUTATION.

However, that is nothing compared to your NUMEROUS AND EMBARRASSING INTERESTS. You have a passion for ROMCOM MOVIES, most of which include some kind of plot involving MOIRAILLEGIANCE and MATESPRITESHIP. You enjoy MEDITATION and READING, which helps you relax while dealing with your RATHER ROWDY and DISOBEDIENT MOIRAIL. You pretend that you don’t have that short of a fuse, but in reality you are KNOWN TO BE RATHER IRRITABLE. You like to use your FISTS as a weapon, but will use a STAFF or POLE of some kind if need be. 

You enjoy talking to a lot of your friends, most of whom are ABSOLUTELY FUCKING STUPID, and need you to guide them towards the right decisions. Your trollhandle is generallyAggravated and you speak in a rather 6land And Pretenti9us T9ne which only adds to how irritated you sound.

Today is the day that you play a GAME with all of your IDIOTIC AND HOPELESS FRIENDS. You’re planning on WAKING THEM UP and getting the game started.

Look, someone is trolling you on Trollian.

NUG: ANSWER

nudityGallivanter [NG] started trolling  generallyAggravated [GA]   
NG: HEY LITTLE wound up BLIND LOOKING mother fucker!!!!   
NG: WHEN ARE we getting OUR FUCKING dope ass GAMING ON????   
NG: uhhhh hello????   
GA: Vera, Please, All9w Me M9re Than 30 Sec9nds T9 Answer.   
NG: HAHA LIKE i would DO THAT.   
NG: just kidding!!!!   
NG: I CAN be patient, YOU KNOW.   
GA: Thank Y9u F9r Waiting.   
GA: I’m N9t Entirely Sure 9f The Timing F9r When We Will 6egin.   
GA: Y9u May Want T9 C9ntact JU F9r That.   
NG: i would BUT I think he BLOCKED ME, to be ENTIRELY HONEST with you.   
GA: Jegus, Are Y9u Tw9 Fighting Again?   
GA: Give The Rest 9f Us A 6reak And Form A Kismesis 9r M9ve 9n With Y9ur Lives.   
NG: UHHHH   
NG: NO offense, but I’M NOT taking romance ADVICE FROM a guy WHO DOESN’T have a KISMESIS YET.   
NG: i barely GET THAT shit myself, TBH.   
NG: IF i want BLACKROM ADVICE i’ll go TO HENRY, thank you.   
GA: I’m Actually Rather C9mpetent At Romantic Advice.   
GA: 6ut I Supp9se I W9n’t Push The Matter Any Further.   
GA: In Any Case, I Shall Talk T9 JU And Return T9 This C9nversati9n.   
generallyAggravated [GA]  ceased trolling  nudityGallivanter [NG]

NUG: CONTACT JU

You try to contract JU, but he is currently offline and unavailable. You would leave a message, but the two of you don’t talk that often and you feel it would be rather awkward.

Instead, you consider looking for something to eat or worry at while waiting for JU to get back online. Perhaps a conversation with your moirail would calm you down.

Your moirail is offline as well. Of all the times to be offline! It doesn’t come as a surprise to you, of course, as she tends to be a little RANDOM and DISORGANIZED. But she has the biggest of vascular systems that you know of and always calms you down when you get in a mood.

You wonder what she’s up to.

BE THE GIRL

You are suddenly the girl. No, not Nug’s Moirail.

Your name is VERA KAE. You were just bothering your friend for information about a game you will both be playing. You, like all your other friends, are 6 sweeps old. You are one of the many MAROON-BLOODED TROLLS that populate Alternia.

Your interests are SUPER COOL and MUCH BETTER THAN THOSE OF YOUR FRIENDS. You enjoy COOKING, although you are EXTREMELY BAD AT IT. You spend a fair amount of time EXPLORING the nearby land, and are probably better at talking to ANIMALS than to fellow TROLLS. You don’t have a SHORT FUSE like some of your other friends, but you tend to be MORE AGGRESSIVE and QUICK TO ACT or EXECUTE A PLAN THAT HASN’T BEEN FULLY PLANNED YET. You like to use your BONE CLUB as a weapon. It was upgraded with ROBOTIC ADVANTAGES by your MATESPRITE’S KISMESIS, and you have been using it ever since.

Your troll handle is nudityGallivanter and you speak in a rather OFF PUTTING and just SLIGHTLY AGGRESSIVE way. When you aren’t bothering your NERVOUS AND SASSY MATESPRITE, you’re bothering your other friends to relieve your EVER PRESENT BOREDOM. You are hoping that this GAME that you and your friends will play will help give you the EXCITEMENT you’ve been looking for.

But, unfortunately, nobody is answering their Trollians. Time to try and troll your MATESPRITE’S KISMESIS.

VERA: TROLL MATESPRITE’S KISMESIS.

nudityGallivanter [NG] started trolling visibleJargon [VJ]   
NG: HEY, HENRY   
NG: henry   
NG: henry   
NG: HENRY   
NG: HEEEENNRYYYYYY   
NG: oh for FUCKS SAKE   
NG: fine   
NG: hey, TENAI   
VJ: Why Hello There, Vera, I Hadn’t Noticed Your Messages.   
VJ: What Can I Do For You?   
NG: I call fucking BULLSHIT ON that, asshole.   
VJ: Shame.   
NG: ANYWAYS, NUG doesn’t know WHEN THIS whole thing IS GOING down so I FIGURED i’d ask SOMEONE WHO seems to KNOW EVERYTHING.   
VJ: I’m Flattered, But You Would Be Better Off Asking JU.   
NG: ugh, again???? I ALREADY told nug I WASN’T going to DO THAT.   
VJ: Why Not?   
NG: i do NOT WANT to have THIS CONVERSATION for the SECOND TIME.   
NG: can you ASK HIM for me?   
NG: PLEEEEAAAASSSSE TENAAAAIIII!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3   
VJ: As Much As I Would Love To, He Appears To Be Offline.   
NG: god damn IT. I thought he HAD JUST blocked me.   
VJ: Yes, He Does Love To Do That.   
VJ: A Healthy Kismesistude Will Not Sustain Itself On Blocking.   
NG: FUCK NOT you too. HE IS not my KISMESIS AND never will BE SO kindly fuck OFF.   
NG: UNLESS you got A SPARE bucket for ME TO rub my BONE NOOK at with HIM THEN do not BRING THIS up again.   
VJ: I’m Simply Teasing, No Need To Be Vulgar, Vera.   
VJ: Please Apologize For Your Language.   
NG: IS THAT please there BECAUSE YOU’RE a condescending BLUE PIECE of absolute SHIT?   
VJ: Indigo, Actually.   
VJ: But My Position On The Hemospectrum Is Not As Concerning As Your Continuing Rudeness And Vulgarity.   
VJ: Are You Actually Putting Hate Behind Your Words Or Am I The Unfortunate Receiver Of Your Impatient Mood?   
NG: UHHH   
NG: shit that’s LIKE SOME deep psychological BULLSHIT THAT i can’t REALLY BE that bothered TO UNDERSTAND   
NG: tenai, dude, YOU HAVE to learn HOW TO talk like US RUSTBUCKETS.   
VJ: I Don’t Believe I Do.   
VJ: In Any Case, JU Is Back Online.   
VJ: I Suggest You Talk To Him Before I Have To Do It For You.   
VJ: Or Nug.   
visibleJargon [VJ] stopped trolling  nudityGallivanter [NG]

GRRRR!

You take a deep breath. You aren’t actually that irritated, but talking with Henry (Tenai?) always gets you in a mood. Not a bad one, but an interesting one.

You look at the screen for a long time. JU’s username is taunting you. You can remember what you did to him like it was only a sweep ago. In fact, it was.

It looks like Nug has gotten back to you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work continues to be shit.

VERA: ANSWER NUG.

generallyAggravated [GA] started trolling nudityGallivanter [NG]  
GA: I Have Sp9ken With JU.  
GA: He Claims That The Game Sh9uld 6e Already Sent T9 Us.  
GA: I Shall Enter First, Making Me The Leader, As I Sh9uld 6e.  
GA: Then, We Pick Teams.  
NG: HOLD ON, i have MULTIPLE QUESTIONS about what YOU JUST fucking said.  
NG: LEADER? YOU?  
NG: and also  
NG: TEAMS? WHAT?  
GA: As Has 6een Pr9ven T9 Me In The Past, Y9u Idi9ts Cann9t H9ld Y9urselves T9gether F9r M9re Than A69ut 5 G9g Damn Minutes 6ef9re Y9u Are At Each9ther’s Thr9ats.  
GA: Theref9re, It F9ll9ws That I, The 9nly 9ne With Any Semblance 9f Self C9ntr9l, 6esides Henry And We All Kn9w Why He Will Never 6e A Leader, Sh9uld 6e The 9ne T9 Lead My Team, The Red Team.  
GA: And, N9 9ffense Intended, I D9 N9t Want Y9u F9r My Team.  
NG: uhhhh none TAKEN REALLY?  
NG: jegus i HAVE SUCH a hard TIME TRYING to follow YOU WHEN you get ALL FUCKING ranty like THAT, DUDE.  
NG: i’m not REALLY GOING to pretend THAT I just read ANY OF that, tbh.  
NG: BUT IT’S fine cuz I WANT to be LEADER OF my own TEAM ANYWAYS!  
NG: so i GUESS FROM here on OUT WE are competing!!!!  
GA: I Supp9se.  
GA: I Am Happy That Y9u D9 N9t Take 9ffense.  
GA: I Must Recruit 9thers F9r My Team.  
NG: YEAH, LATER!!!!  
GA: G99d6ye.  
generallyAggravated [GA] stopped trolling nudityGallivanter [NG]

VERA: TRY TO RECRUIT

You look at your list of friends and try to think of who you want on your team. You immediately discard the idea of a few people, who either like Nug better than you or don’t like you enough.

While you are thinking,

VERA: BE SOMEONE RANDOM

You are now someone random!

Who is this mysterious person? You aren’t ready to know yet.

MYSTERY BOY: BE SOMEONE NOT ENTIRELY RANDOM

You are now this girl! Who is this girl?

Your name is BRI BERRY. You are just now waking up from a fantastic nap that your PESTERING and SERIOUS MOIRAIL told you not to take for your sleep schedule. What sleep schedule? You are your own schedule, and as a growing olive-blooded troll you need your rather inconsistent rest!

Your interests include T-DRAMA (a kind of foreign-like genre typically consisting of ROMANTIC CLICHES) and COOKING. You like to DRAW SILLY PICTURES OF YOUR FRIENDS and CROCHET FUN SWEATERS AND SCARVES. Your MOIRAIL is NUG, who is constantly sure that he is right and that you should listen to him, but you’re pretty sure that he takes everything too seriously and that he needs to RELAX A LITTLE. You are a SWEET TROLL, who is known to go A LITTLE TOO FAR when avenging a friend. You fight with WHATEVER HAPPENS TO BE IN YOUR POCKETS, making your STRIFE SPECIBUS a RANDOMKIND. Currently in there is A HAND SIZED ROCK.

Your Trollian handle is synonymousSeesaw and you speak in a >:3c Sort of misch3vious and silly tone. You love all of your friends, although you are secretly holding a TALLY against those who have committed CARDINAL SINS against you. But you still love all your friends.

Oh look! One of them is trolling you now!

BRI: ANSWER.

visibleJargon [VJ] (Note: 1 Sin) started trolling synonymousSeesaw [SS]  
VJ: Bri. I Have Come To Understand That There Is A Game To Be Played And Teams To Be Made.  
VJ: I Have Also Gotten To Know You Over The Sweeps, And Would Like You To Join My Team.  
VJ: Vera May Contact You And Say That It Is Her’s. It Is Not.  
SS: >:3c Hi, H3nry! I would LOVE to join your t3am! What ar3 w3 playing??  
VJ: It Is A Game That JU Has Found. It Is Meant To Bring About The End Of The World.  
SS: >:3c Hmmm... Sounds lik3 som3 s3riously 3dgy busin3ss...  
SS: >:3c I’m in.  
VJ: Fantastic. I Shall Go Inform Vera.  
SS: >:3c Gr3at! Who 3ls3 is on your t3am??  
VJ: The Seadwellers. I Have Been Trying To Reach Captain and Marge But Both Are Offline.  
VJ: In Any Case, The Teams Are Mostly A Formality. A Sort Of Friendly Competition. We Aren’t Meant To Be Fighting. It Won’t Be Like The Last Game We All Played.  
SS: >:/c Nug wouldn’t l3t m3 play with you guys last tim3, r3m3mb3r?  
VJ: Yes. I Have Business To Attend To. I Shall Contact You Again When It Is Time To Play.  
visibleJargon [VJ] (Note: 1 Sin) stopped trolling synonymousSeesaw [SS]

You have received another message. Wow, you are popular today! But, then again, you’re popular every day.

generallyAggravated [GA] (Note: 3 Sins) started trolling  synonymousSeesaw [SS]  
GA: 6ri, I Swear, If Y9u Are Sleeping.  
GA: 6ri.  
GA: 6ri.  
GA: 6ri.  
SS: >:3c WHAT?!  
GA: 9h, g99d.  
GA: Y9u’re Up.  
GA: I W9uld Like Y9u T9 J9in My Team.  
GA: The Red Team.  
SS: >:3c Oh, sorry Nug, but H3nry alr3ady ask3d m3 to join his t3am :/  
GA: ... Are Y9u Seri9us?  
GA: That Assh9le.  
GA: He Hates Me, I Can Tell.  
GA: There Is N9 Reas9n F9r Y9u T9 Be Recruited T9 His Team.  
GA: N9ne, 6esides Spiting Me.  
GA: It Isn’t Even 6lackr9m Hatred! He Just Hates Me Plat9nically, Which Might Even 6e W9rse!  
SS: >:3c *Paps h3r m3owrail*  
SS: >:3c Shhhh.... Nug, calm down. S3riously.  
SS: >:3c I hav3 multipl3 probl3ms with what you just said  
SS: >:3c But first, nobody hat3s you platonically! You’r3 so squishy and lov3abl3!  
GA: ...Thanks.  
SS: >:3c And s3condly, you fucking dick, th3r3 ar3 tons of r3asons that I’d b3 r3cruit3d by H3nry  
SS: >:3c So  
GA: Y9u’re G9ing T9 Play With His Team Just T9 Spite Me?  
SS: >:3c Hon3y, no, I lov3 you.  
SS: >:3c But I am going to b3 playing with him b3caus3 h3’s a fri3nd and ask3d m3 first.  
SS: >:3c I alr3ady promis3d.  
SS: >:3c Sorry, Nug <>  
GA: Hey, It’s 9k. I Understand. Just 6e Careful, W9uldn’t Y9u?  
GA: I Pity Y9u A L9t.  
GA: I Really D9n’t Want T9 L9se Y9u. These Guys Can 6e Kind 9f Danger9us.  
GA: <>  
SS: >:3c I’ll k33p in touch! Mak3 sur3 you know I’m saf3 without giving th3 3n3my any clu3s >;3c  
GA: Yeah, Yeah, 9kay, Haha. S9unds G99d.  
SS: <>  
GA: <>  
generallyAggravated [GA] (Note: 3 Sins)  stopped trolling  synonymousSeesaw [SS]

Your sweet, sweet moirail. If it were anyone else, you would have added another sin on there, but as usual he managed to be unknowingly sweet at the very end of the conversation. What a lucky guy.

You see that Vera’s messaged you but decide to leave her on hold for a little bit. You know what she has to say and that conversation can wait. Instead, you decide to update the tally marks you have on the wall.

Nug’s list has been constantly updated. He gains a Sin occasionally, but sometimes he’s just so sweet that you paint back over it. Just recently he Sinned, but brought you over some new paints and a T-Drama for you to watch together. He truly is the perfect Moirail.

There are only two people with no Sins on your wall. You can’t imagine Vale ever gaining one, he’s too sweet, and you feel too bad about giving one to Four, so his history is as pristine as ever.

You wonder how your moirail’s recruitment is going.


	3. Chapter 3

BRI: BE NUG.

You are now, once again, Nug. And your recruitment is going shittily.

So far, Henry has managed to recruit the two seadwellers, YOUR moirail, and somehow convinced JU to be on his team. That asshole.

You sigh as you look at who’s left. You don’t really have much of a choice in the matter. You already convinced Captain, getting him to be on a team against his kismesis wasn’t that hard, but you haven’t even tried Madsie yet.

You’ll save that conversation for a little while later. For now, you’ll ask your matesprit.

NUG: TROLL MATESPRIT.

generallyAggravated [GA] started trolling  howdoesthisEvenwork [HE]   
GA: Hey, Thana.   
GA: Thana.   
GA: Thana.   
GA: G9g, Why D9 All 9f My C9nversati9ns Start Like This.   
GA: Thana?   
HE: ooH, hhEY nnUG! <3   
HE: yyOU ccAUGHT mmE hhAHA.   
HE: ii wwAS ssTARING ooFF.   
HE: hhAVE yyOU eeVER ssEEN ttHE ssUNSET?   
HE: ooVER ttHE ooCEAN?   
HE: iiT’S bbEAUTIFUL.   
GA: Yes, I Kn9w That It’s 6eautiful, Thana.   
GA: I Just Saw Y9u Last Week.   
GA: Y9u Kn9w.   
GA: At Y9ur H9use. 9n The 6each.   
HE: ooH. ii’M ssORRY nnUG.   
HE: ii ccAN ggO iiF ii’M bbOTHERING yyOU   
GA: N9, Y9u Aren’t 69thering me.   
GA: <3   
GA: I Actually Came Here T9 Ask Y9u A Questi9n.   
GA: D9 Y9u Want T9 Play A Game With Me?   
HE: hhAHA ii wwANT ttO ppLAY aaLL kkINDS ooF ggAMES wwITH yyOU   
HE: ;)   
GA: N9t... Pailing Games, Thana.   
GA: A Vide9 Game.   
GA: Kind 9f.   
HE: ooH   
HE: yyEAH ttHAT ssOUNDS llIKE aaLL kkINDS ooF ffUN   
HE: wwHEN aaRE wwE ppLAYING?   
GA: As S99n As JU Sets Up The C9nnecti9n.   
GA: I’m G9ing T9 6e The First In The Game. Captain Is My Server Player, And Y9u’ll 6e His.   
HE: hhAHA ttHE llITTLE ffOX bbOY   
HE: yyEAH ttHIS ssOUNDS llIKE ffUN   
HE: iiS hhIS kkISMESIS ppLAYING?   
GA: Yes, 6ut He’s Leading The 9ther Team.   
HE: aaWWW... ii hhOPED wwE ccOULD mmAYBE bbOND aa llITTLE.   
GA: Thana, Please 6e Aware That I Am Sighing Rather L9udly.   
HE: :(   
GA: He D9esn’t Like Y9u, And That Is Fine. I Pity Y9u Very Much.   
GA: It Is 9k That 9ne Tr9ll In 9ur Gr9up 9f Hate Friends D9esn’t Like Y9u.   
GA: Especially Since It Is F9r A Dum6 Reas9n.   
HE: ii ppITY yyOU ttOO   
HE: iiT jjUST ffEELS iiMPORTANT   
HE: llIKE ii wwANT hhIM ttO kkNOW ii ddON’T hhATE hhIM   
HE: aaND ii ddIDN’T mmEAN ttO ddO iiT   
HE: ii ddIDN’T mmEAN ttO kkISS ccAPTAIN

You stare at the screen for a little. You had known that this is what happened, a couple of sweeps ago, but hearing about it still twisted up your pump biscuit. You and Thana weren’t matesprits back then, yet it still hurts.

You stare for a bit longer then decide on your reply.

HE: nnUG?   
HE: hhELLO?   
HE: ii’M ssORRY, ii ccAN jjUST ggO iiF ii uuPSET yyOU   
GA: N9, Thana, Y9u Didn’t Upset Me.   
GA: In Any Case, The Past Is The Past, And We Sh9uld N9t Dwell 9n It.   
GA: It Isn’t Healthy F9r Y9u.   
GA: I Pity Y9u, And Y9u W9rry Me.   
GA: <3   
HE: ii ppITY yyOU ssO mmUCH, nnUG. <3   
GA: I Must G9 And Recruit 9thers. When I Am Finished, We Will Start The Game.   
HE: :) hhEEHEE ooK <3   
GA: <3   
generallyAggravated [GA]  stopped trolling  howdoesthisEvenwork [HE]

You sigh and let your head hit the computer table. Your moirail would be papping your right about now if she knew what you were doing.

But SUDDENLY YOU ARE THIS GUY.

Who is this guy?

 

 

 

You are THANA. You don’t really have a last name, or if you did you’ve completely forgotten it. You’ve been sitting here on the beach for the last couple of hours, having woken up a bit early to bake a pie and watch the sun set.

You are a PURPLE BLOODED TROLL, but don’t really care much about your place in the hemospectrum, despite how high up you are. Your favorite things to do are BAKE PIES, EAT PIES, and TALK WITH YOUR MATESPRIT. You also like to just sit and stare at your computer sometimes, just watching all the pretty colors. You are a rather CHILL GUY, and super friendly to everyone. You somehow find SOMETHING TO LOVE AND PITY IN EVERY TROLL, and would probably go pale or red for the whole universe if you could. You fight with A REALLY BIG AND SCARY LOOKING SCYTHE which you one day just dug up from the beach.

Your Trollian handle is howdoesthisEvenwork and you talk llIKE yyOU’RE aa bbIT iiNEBRIATED aaND ccONFUSED, which doesn’t help when you say things that are confusing.

You’re just spacing out at the moment and OH- it looks like someone’s trying to contact you.

generallyAggravated [GA]  started trolling  howdoesthisEvenwork [HE]   
GA: Hey, Thana.   
GA: Thana.   
GA: Thana.   
GA: G9g, Why D9 All 9f My C9nversati9ns Start Like This.   
GA: Thana?   
HE: ooH, hhEY nnUG! <3   
HE: yyOU ccAUGHT mmE hhAHA.   
HE: ii wwAS ssTARING ooFF.

We’ve already read this conversation.

THANA: FAST FORWARD.

Someone else is trying to troll you. Wow, what a day!

cordiallyBerated [CB]  started trolling  howdoesthisEvenwork [HE]   
CB: >:] TH4N4!!! H1Y4!!!   
HE: :) hhELLO ccAPTAIN   
CB: >:O 2UCH 4 2P33DY R3PLY!!!   
CB: >:] 1’M H0N0R3D!!!   
HE: ii wwAS jjUST ttALKING ttO nnUG :)   
CB: 0H?   
CB: D1D H3 T3LL Y4 TH4T W3’R3 4LL PL4Y1N’ 4 G4M3 T0G3TH3R?   
CB: >:[ 1 W4NT3D T0 B3 TH’ 0N3 T4 T3LL Y4 TH4T   
HE: hhAHA ssORRY   
CB: 4NYW4Y2, 1’M 4B0UT T4 C0NNECT T4 0UR F34RL3SS L34D3R NUG   
CB: 4ND TH3N Y3R G0NN4 B3 C0NN3CT1N’ T0 M3!!!   
HE: ttHAT ssOUNDS ggOOD! jjUST llET mmE kkNOW   
HE: ooTHERWISE ii’LL bbE ssO ssPACED ooUT   
CB: >:P 1 F1GUR3D D4RL1N’   
CB: PL3423 TRY T4 N0T 2P4C3 T00 MUCH   
CB: Y4 G0TT4 B3 R34DY   
HE: :) ii’VE ooNLY hhAD ooNE ppIE ttODAY   
HE: ddON’T wwORRY   
CB: 1’LL TRY N0T T4   
CB: T4LK T0 Y4 S00N!!!   
cordiallyBerated [CB]  stopped trolling  howdoesthisEvenwork [HE]


	4. Chapter 4

CAPTAIN: GET NUG INTO THE GAME

You are Captain Shiriba. You had a different first name but prefer to be called by your nickname. You are currently planning on how to best get your KISMESIS back for somehow TRAPPING YOU IN YOUR RECUPERACOON for the past 2 days.

You are a TEAL-BLOODED TROLL who hopes to become a LEGISLACERATOR some day. You love PRANKING and ANNOYING YOUR MANY EASILY ANNOYED FRIENDS, and have somehow avoided a slow and painful death at the hands of said annoyed friends. You have an IMPULSIVE and ROWDY MATESPRIT, Vera, who sometimes AUSPISTICIZES between you and your ANNOYING AND HORRIBLE (yet so attractive) KISMESIS, Henry. You tend to be a BIT PROMISCUOUS, going around and making advances towards UNMATED TROLLS in order to annoy your KISMESIS. (Although you haven’t done it in a while, as the last time you did that it resulted in The Accident, which BLINDED YOU). You fight with a rather COOL CANESWORD that you found while LARPING WITH FRIENDS.

Your Trollian handle is cordiallyBerated and you speak in a 2422Y 4ND 20RT4 3XCIT3D W4Y that also highlights your STRANGE ACCENT.

You would love to try and get Nug into the game, but first let’s go back a few hours.

CAPTAIN: BE YOU A FEW HOURS AGO.

You are now you from a few hours ago. You have just managed to untie yourself from the ropes that your kismesis had tangled you up in, that asshole. It looks like he’s bothering you right now, in fact.

visibleJargon [VJ]  started trolling  cordiallyBerated [CB]   
VJ: You Are Finally Online.   
VJ: Good.   
VJ: You Will Be Playing A Game With Me, And You Shall Be On My Team.   
VJ: If Vera Claims It Is Her Team, As She Is Also Playing, It Is Not.   
VJ: Captain. Respond.   
VJ: Kitsune.   
CB: 0H MY B4D, T3N41, 1 W42 BU2Y G3TT1N’ 0FF TH3 R32T 0’ TH323 R0P3S TH4’ S0M30N3 FUCK1N’ T13D M3 UP 1N.   
CB: Y4 KN0W H0W 1T 1S.   
VJ: Ah. Of Course.   
VJ: In Any Case, Nug And JU Are Setting Up A Game For Us All To Play.   
VJ: We Shall Be Competing In Different Servers Of The Game.   
VJ: Red Team Versus Blue Team.   
VJ: And You Shall Be On The Blue Team With Me.   
VJ: My Team.   
CB: 0H? >:]   
CB: 20RRY D4RL1N’, BUT 1 TH1NK 1’D R4TH3R PL4Y 0N TH’ R3D T34M.   
VJ: No. Absolutely Not.   
CB: WH4T’R3 Y4 G0NN4 D0 4B0UT 1T? >:P   
CB: 1’M JU2T G0NN4 T4LK T4 NUG R1GH’ N0W.   
VJ: Captain, I Swear.   
VJ: I Will Punish You.   
VJ: And You Will Not Be Able To Walk After.   
VJ: The Only Thing That Will Save You Will Be My Blood Status.   
VJ: And You Shall Live In My Hive, With Me, Until You Die.   
CB: WH4’ W42 TH4’?   
CB: 20RRY 1 C4N’T H34R Y4 0V3R TH3 20UND 0F M3 TYP1N’ T4 NUG.   
VJ: Captain, Don’t You Dare.   
cordiallyBerated [CB]  blocked  visibleJargon [VJ]

Ah, sweet revenge. You will definitely regret this later, and can already feel the fear creeping up in your stomach, but it’s been done now (and frankly, the asshole deserved it). In any case, you hope he doesn’t go to Vera about this, because she always manages to make you apologize when you’ve done something wrong.

You should actually talk to Nug now, since you were just bluffing when you were talking to Henry. Here’s to hoping that he actually has a spot open on his team.

CAPTAIN: TROLL NUG.

cordiallyBerated [CB] started trolling generallyAggravated [GA]  
CB: H3Y L1TTL3 DUD3 >:]  
CB: H34RD Y4 W3R3 PUTT1N’ T0G3TH3R 4 T34M!  
CB: 4ND 1 H4V3 JU2T D3C1D3D TH4’ 1’M G0NN4 B3 0N Y0UR T34M!!  
GA: If This Has Anything T9 D9 With Henry Leading The 9ther Team, I D9 N9t Want T9 End Up In The Middle 9f A Pair 9f Fighting Kismeses.  
CB: 0K 1T 0NLY H4S 4 L1’L S0M3TH1N’ T4 D0 W1TH TH4’  
CB: BUT ALS0, KN0W1N’ H1M, H3’S PR0B4BLY G0T 3V3RY0N3 3L23 0N H1S T34M  
CB: H3LL0?  
CB: ...  
CB: ...  
CB: NUG?  
CB: D1D H3NRY G3T T0 Y4?  
GA: N9. I Was Talking T9 My M9irail.  
GA: Y9u May J9in My Team.  
CB: Y3S!!!!  
GA: Y9u Shall 6e My Server Player.  
GA: Let Me Finish Recruiting, And Then I Shall Inf9rm Y9u 9f When T9 Enter Me Int9 The Game.  
CB: 4LR1GHT, 1 ST4ND BY, Y3R M1GHTY L34D3RN322!  
generallyAggravated [GA] stopped trolling cordiallyBerated [CB]

You tap your fingers against the desk and decide to start helping in the recruitment. You figure that Henry has probably already recruited the people he’d consider strong enough (and not rebellious), so that leaves you with only a few options.

You decide to contact JU.

CAPTAIN: TROLL JU.

cordiallyBerated [CB]  started trolling  justifiableUsername [JU]   
CB: H3Y, 422M0UTH   
CB: W4NN4 J01N TH’ R3D T34M?   
JU: A2 temptiing a2 that offer ii2   
JU: And boy, ii2 iit temptiing becau2e   
JU: II ju2t love beiing verbally abu2ed   
JU: Foureo’2 already a2ked me to be blue.   
CB: >:[ Y0U C0ULD JU2T P0L1T3LY D3CL1N3   
CB: BUT TH4T’2 4LR1GHT   
CB: 1 N3V3R TH0UGHT Y0U’D T34M UP W1TH V3R4, TH0UGH   
CB: TH4’2 4 2URPR123.   
JU: ...   
JU: Waiit   
JU: What the fuck   
JU: Vera’2 blue?   
JU: Of cour2e 2he ii2.   
JU: Haha what a biitch though.   
CB: B3 C4R3FUL, 4SSH0L3.   
CB: TH4’2 MY FUCK1N’ M4T32PR1T3.   
JU: Your mate2priite al2o happen2 to be a ragiing biitch   
JU: Ju2t a head2 up.   
JU: IIn ca2e you don’t already know   
CB: >:[ WH4T3V3R   
CB: 3NJ0Y PL4Y1NG W1TH MY 4W3S0M3 M4T32PR1T3   
JU: II won’t but thank2 anyway2   
JU: II’d probably joiin your team iif iit wa2n’t Foureo who a2ked me to joiin   
JU: tbh   
CB: H3NRY PR0B4BLY G0T H1M T0 42K Y0U   
CB: JU2T F0R TH4’ R3420N   
JU: II mean you’re probably riight   
JU: But let me know when you gaiin the magiical   
JU: AWE2OME ABIILIITY   
JU: to turn Foureo’2 liittle “8) Please?”’2 down   
CB: >:] 0K, F41R P01NT   
CB: L00K 1 G0TT4 G0 R3CRU1T   
CB: 233 Y4 L4T3R   
CB: 4SSH0L3   
JU: Oh wow, don’t let me hold you back buddy   
JU: *thumb2 up*   
CB: >:P   
cordiallyBerated [CB]  stopped trolling  justifiableUsername [JU]

You think for a moment. If Henry has Vera, JU, and now Four on his team, it follows that he probably managed to recruit Luca too. Damn, there goes one of the strongest trolls. Too bad, Luca would have been a great ally.

You glance down your list. That just leaves Bri, Thana, Madsie (ugh), Marge, and Vale. It’s highly unlikely that Henry would even try to ask Vale to be on his team, so you decide to ask Bri instead, hoping that Henry hadn’t gotten to her already.

CAPTAIN: TROLL BRI.  
cordiallyBerated [CB] started trolling synonymousSeesaw [SS]  
CB: H3Y BR1!!!!  
CB: W4NN4 PL4Y 4 G4M3?  
SS: >:3c Ar3 you talking about that w3ird 3nd of th3 world gam3 that JU s3nt around?  
CB: H4H4 Y34H TH4’2 TH’ 0N3!  
CB: 20, H0W B0UT 1T?  
CB: W4NN4 B3 0N TH’ R3D T34M?  
SS: >:3c Sorry, Cat-ain, but I alr3ady told H3nry I’d b3 on his t3am!  
CB: WH444444T???  
CB: H0W D1D H3 3V3N D0 TH4’  
CB: Y4 KN0W Y3R M01R41L’2 L34D1N’ TH’ R3D T34M R1GH’???  
SS: >:3c I actually didn’t know tbh  
SS: >:3c Wh3n H3nry ask3d m3  
SS: >:3c And I’d f33l bad about not playing with Nug if h3 hadn’t call3d m3 worthl3ss  
SS: >:3c :(  
CB: ????  
CB: WH3N D1D H3 D0 TH4’?  
SS: >:3c H3 couldn’t und3rstand why H3nry would want m3 on his t3am  
SS: >:3c And I g3t I’m not that gr3at but h3y, it hurts a girl to h3ar it  
CB: P2HHHHH Y3R PL3NTY GR34T, BR1!!!!  
CB: H3 PR0B4BLY W4NT2 Y4 CUZ Y3R 20 T4L3NT3D!!!!  
SS: >:3c Ok, you’r3 totally lying to m3 right now but I r3ally appr3ciat3 it  
SS: >:3c :3  
SS: >:3c Anyways, I can at l3ast t3ll you that th3 r3cruitm3nt for th3 blu3 t3am is don3, w3’v3 got H3nry, m3, Four3o, Luca, V3ra, and Ash3r som3how  
CB: F0UR A2K3D H1M F0R H3NRY  
CB: >:[ 4ND 1 F1GUR3D Y0U GUY2 H4D LUC4  
SS: >:3c Ok, that mak3s s3ns3 for Ash3r  
SS: >:3c I was actually so confus3d about that  
CB: >:] H4PPY T0 H3LP!!!!  
CB: 1 G0TT4 G0. GU3SS 1’LL G0 C0NV1NC3 TH3 0TH3R2  
CB: N0T TH4’ TH3Y H4V3 MUCH CH01C3  
SS: >:3c H3h3h3 ok  
CB: 233 Y4!  
cordiallyBerated [CB] stopped trolling synonymousSeesaw [SS]

CAPTAIN: RECRUIT

You really don’t want to talk to Madsie, Nug can do that. You figure you’ll try Thana and then Vale, who’s your matesprite’s moirail, making you two corners!

CAPTAIN: TROLL THANA

cordiallyBerated [CB]  started trolling  howdoesthisEvenwork [HE]   
CB: >:] TH4N4!!! H1Y4!!!   
HE: :) hhELLO ccAPTAIN   
CB: >:O 2UCH 4 2P33DY R3PLY!!!   
CB: >:] 1’M H0N0R3D!!!   
HE: ii wwAS jjUST ttALKING ttO nnUG :)

You’ve already read this. FAST FORWARD.

Well, that was...kind of successful? Let’s try Vale next.


	5. Chapter 5

CAPTAIN: TRY VALE

You have tried so hard that you are now Vale.

Your name is Vale Kae. You share a last name, for some reason, with your MOIRAIL, Vera Kae. You are a bronze-blooded and GENTLE TROLL who really isn’t that cut out for a society that’s THIS VIOLENT (shown to you after The Accident, which has left you paralyzed from the waist down).

Your hobbies are those of a SOFT TROLL. You enjoy CARING FOR AND TENDING TO PLANTS, as well as CARING FOR HURT AND WOUNDED ANIMALS. The second part is made easier by your INNATE PSYCHIC ABILITY TO TALK TO ANIMALS. You have a RATHER CONCERNING AND MESSY MOIRAIL, Vera, who has a CUTE AND FUNNY MATESPRIT. You love to talk to all of your friends, but for some reason the one who talks to you most is CAPTAIN, who is your CORNERMATE as he is next to you on your moirail’s quadrants. You don’t really like to fight, but if you have to you use A BOW AND ARROW, tipped with POISON that you have made yourself from various plants. You also carry different POISONS, ANTIDOTES, and POTIONS with you at all times to dip your arrows in or share with friends. Some of these POTIONS contain a HEALING LIQUID that you get from diluting and mixing various plants with your moirail’s STRANGELY GHOSTLY BLOOD.

Your Trollian handle is marginalBotanist and you type in a nervous, and sort of, uhm, stuttering manner. You are a very nervous person, so this only adds onto how scared and innocent others perceive you as.

You have just managed to get yourself out of your recooperacoon and into your four wheeled device, ready to start the night, when you see that someone has been trolling you.

nudityGallivanter [NG]  started trolling  marginalBotanist [MB]  
NG: HEY VALE  
NG: vale, honey  
NG: VALE  
NG: VALE  
NG: okay, i’m JUST GOING to assume THAT YOU’RE sleeping or SOMETHING CUTE like that.  
NG: WHEN YOU get the CHANCE, COULD you message ME BACK?  
MB: oh, hi, vera!  
MB: sorry, i was, uhm, just getting out of, my recooperacoon,  
MB: oh, wait  
MB: you’re offline

You are about to go wake up your sleeping Lusus when someone starts trolling you again! Wow, so busy!

cordiallyBerated [CB]  started trolling  marginalBotanist [MB]  
CB: >:] H3Y H0T 2TUFF  
CB: H3H3H3 JU2T K1DD1N’ >:P  
CB: K1ND4  
CB: Y0U UP Y3T?  
MB: captain! hello!  
MB: yes, i have just, found myself awake  
MB: and have been, uhm, trying to get, out of my recooperacoon for, the past few hours  
CB: GL4D T4 S33 Y4 M4D3 1T  
CB: H3Y, 20, W3’R3 PL4Y1N’ TH4’ G4M3 JU HYP3D UP 4 F3W W33K2 4G0  
CB: 1 W42 W0ND3R1N’ 1F Y4 W4NT3D T4 B3 0N MY T34M  
CB: 1F N0B0DY 3L23 H42 42K3D Y4 Y3T  
MB: that sounds, really nice, actually  
MB: i, uhm, didn’t really expect to, be asked  
MB: to be on a team, that is  
MB: given the fact that, i am crippled  
MB: and, in a four wheeled device  
CB: 0K Y0U H4V3 0TH3R QU4L1T132 0TH3R TH4N B31N’ CR1PPL3D  
CB: WH4T 4B0UT Y3R H34L1N’?  
CB: 4ND Y3R P0120N2  
CB: 4ND N0B0DY C4N H0LD 4 B0W L1K3 Y0U!  
MB: ]:) haha, yeah, i guess i’m not, uhm  
MB: talentless  
MB: thanks, captain!  
CB: N0 PR0BL3M0!  
CB: 20, 1 H4V3 T0 G0 C0NV1NC3 M4D213 20M3H0W  
CB: 1’LL L3T Y0U KN0W WH3N W3 2T4RT UP  
MB: oh, wow, uhm  
MB: good luck, with that  
MB: i’ll be here!  
CB: :] G00D  
cordiallyBerated [CB]  stopped trolling  marginalBotanist [MB]

You make your way over to your sleeping Lusus, Tinkerbull. He’s a small, fairy-like bull who spends most of his time cuddling up in your hive, rather than trying to take care of you. You don’t mind much, since he is SUPER cute.

You poke him to wake up him, and he sits on your lap like usual, letting himself be groomed by you until he falls back asleep. Not all of your friends have such a good relationship with their lusii, and you count yourself lucky. If you had to deal with one like Madsie’s? Yikes. You are too gentle for that.

SUDDENLY, YOU ARE THIS GUY.

Who is this guy? No, seriously, who is he?

You are Madsie Nyfitsa. You are currently feeding your GIANT SPIDER LUSUS, who gets hungrier every day. You swear, sometimes the pressure on your shoulders is too much. How UNLUCKY it is to be you. Just kidding, you have GREAT LUCK, and you love being yourself!

You are a CERULEAN-BLOODED TROLL, meaning you are rather high up on the hemospectrum. You are the primary cause, along with Captain, of The Accident that crippled your friend, blinded Captain, and left you with ONE EYE and ONE ARM. You don’t have many interests besides PLUNDERING and LOOTING, which are both fantastic uses of your time. You do a lot of LARPING, taking the treasure from it and splitting it with your LARPING PARTNER, and KISMESIS, Luca. You have an odd partnership, you taking half the treasure and the troll kids to feel to your Lusus, while he takes the kids’ Lusii to feed Four’s Lusus. It works out, though. You fight with A FLAMING WHIP, and also tend to be efficient with THROWING KNIVES. You are well-aware of your species’ BLOODTHIRSTY AND SADISTIC NATURE, and take pride in finding the QUICKEST AND SLOWEST WAYS TO KILL. Overall, you are one of the MORE PREPARED ONES to play this game.

Your Trollian handle is habituallyLewdicle and you speak in a FuckinG JarrinG AnD CrudE AS ShiT way. You aren’t a huge fan of fitting into the DUMB AS FUCK aristocracy that the hemospectrum demands.

You pull out your phone and check your Trollian. You aren’t exactly a popular troll, but it seems that while you were busy feeding your stupid Lusus you got a few messages.

MADSIE: ANSWER

generallyAggravated [GA]  started trolling  habituallyLewdicle [HL]  
GA: Hey, Madsie.  
GA: I W9uld Ask Y9u P9litely T9 J9in My Team  
GA: 6ut Seeing As Y9u D9n’t Have Any 9ther 9pti9n...  
GA: Y9u Are An Utter Disgrace And A69minati9n  
GA: And I Am A 6it Ashamed That Y9u Have T9 6e 9n My Team  
GA: 6ut Y9u Are At Least Deadly And Efficient, S9 Here I Am  
GA: Inviting Y9u 9ut 9f The Kindness 9f My Heart  
GA: S9?  
HL: WoW Aren’T YoU FuckinG ConvincinG  
HL: JusT A 8iG FuckinG ShitstaiN OF A TrolL  
HL: Can’T 8elievE HoW HonoreD I AM  
HL: FucK YoU AnD YouR Dum8asS 8linD EyeS  
GA: I’m N9t Actually 6lind.  
GA: And It’s Either J9in My Team 9r Just Die 9n The Planet  
GA: Since The Game Will 6ring A69ut The End 9f The W9rld  
HL: OK I’lL 8itE  
HL: WhaT ThE FucK IS ThiS A8ouT  
GA: 9h  
GA: Did JU N9t Actually Tell Y9u A69ut The Game?  
GA: I Didn’t 6elieve That He Was Seri9us.  
HL: DudE  
HL: JU ActuallY HateS ME  
HL: AnD NoT EveN ThE SexY KinD OF HatE  
HL: ::::(  
GA: Well, JU F9und A Game A While 6ack, And Is Sharing It With Us N9w.  
GA: It Will Trigger The Ap9calypse, Which Is Half 9f The Reas9n That I’m Playing As I’d Rather N9t Die 9n This Planet.  
GA: The 9ther Half 6eing That Y9u Are All T99 Stupid T9 Play With9ut My Guidance.  
HL: OoooooooK?  
HL: ThaT OtheR HalF I ActuallY Don’T CarE A8ouT  
HL: 8uT FuckinG FinE  
HL: IF There’rE TeamS TheN There’S AnotheR TeaM I CoulD JoiN, FuckasS  
GA: There Might Have 6een If Henry Wasn’t Leading It.  
HL: OH.  
HL: WelL FucK  
HL: FuckinG GoD DamN IT  
HL: I’M ON ThE FuckinG LosinG TeaM????  
GA: Thanks.  
GA: L99k, Y9u’ll 6e C9nnecting T9 Vale  
GA: And Then, Marge Will 6e C9nnecting T9 Y9u  
HL: UgH. FinE.  
HL: JusT TelL ME WheN, OH GreaT LeadeR.  
GA: Stand 6y F9r Further Instructi9n.  
HL: YoU GoT IT PaiL FoR 8rainS  
GA: ...Gr9ss.  
generallyAggravated [GA]  stopped trolling  habituallyLewdicle [HL]

Who does that asshole even think he is? Ugh, how annoying.

You decide to try and message Henry, to see if you could maybe steal a spot on his team and boot someone else off of it. You’re not that fond of the idea of being on the losing team.

MADSIE: TROLL HENRY

habituallyLewdicle [HL]  started trolling  visibleJargon [VJ]  
HL: YO, AssholE  
HL: SO I HearD A8ouT ThiS StupiD AsS GamE  
HL: AnD I WanT TO 8E ON ThE WinninG TeaM  
VJ: Wow, Madsie.  
VJ: As Flattered As I Am That You Contacted Me, And I Truly Am Flattered, I Genuinely Do Not, Now Or Ever, Want You On My Team.  
HL: WoW OK I’M GettinG AlL KindS OF FuckinG SasS TodaY  
HL: WhY ThE FucK NoT?  
HL: I’M 8etteR ThaN MosT MotherfuckerS YoU CoulD EveN ThinK OF RecruitinG  
HL: AnD TO 8E HonesT, I’D RatheR 8E ON A TeaM WitH ME ThaN FuckinG FightinG ME  
VJ: We Have Plenty Of Capable Fighters. Luca Is An Example. In Any Case, You Would Not Respect My Leadership, Nor Would You Listen To What I Have To Say.  
VJ: Even Now, You Are Currently Trying To Convince Me That You Would Be A Good Teammate By Both Threatening Me And Disrespecting Me.  
VJ: I Am Higher On The Hemospectrum Than You Are, Lowblood.  
VJ: Understand That And Know Your Place.  
HL: LoL That’S A 8uncH OF FuckinG 8ullshiT CominG FroM YoU, YoU Teal-fuckinG AsshaT  
HL: Where’S YouR KismesiS, HuH?  
HL: 8eT MY FuckinG NooK ThaT He’S NoT ON YouR TeaM  
HL: YoU FuckinG LowlifE PretentiouS AsS ControL FreaK  
HL: I Don’T EveN WanT TO 8E ON YouR TeaM  
HL: I WannA 8E ON Nug’S TeaM  
VJ: I Never Said You Couldn’t Be On Nug’s Team, Madsie. In Fact, I Would Prefer For You To Be On His Team.  
HL: WhateveR  
VJ: I Don’t Have Time For You Anymore.  
visibleJargon [VJ]  stopped trolling  habituallyLewdicle [HL]  
habituallyLewdicle [HL]  started trolling visibleJargon [VJ]  
HL: >XXXXXXXXXP  
habituallyLewdicle [HL] stopped trolling visibleJargon [VJ]

Gah! This night has barely even begun and already it’s been all kinds of annoying! You need a good talk with your moirail to try and calm down. 

MADSIE: TROLL MOIRAIL. 

habituallyLewdicle [HL]  started trolling  elevatedHandspeech [EH]  
HL: >XXXXXXXXO 8LARGH!  
EH: Hello, Madsie. To what do I owe this pleasure?  
HL: FuckinG HenrY  
HL: That’S WhaT YoU OwE ThiS ShittY PleasurE TO  
HL: JeguS I FuckinG HatE HiM SO FuckinG MucH  
EH: I see. I assume it’s platonic hatred?  
HL: YeaH. He’S HoT 8uT I’D RatheR PukE IN MY OwN 8uckeT BeforE I PaiL WitH ThaT MesS  
EH: Hm.  
EH: Madsie, you need to pull yourself together.  
HL: FuckinG ExcusE ME 8itcH?  
EH: You know exactly what I said.  
EH: You are getting yourself worked up over very little.  
EH: At least, from my perspective.  
HL: FuckinG WhaT, YoU WanT ME TO ExplaiN MyselF?  
EH: Yes, Madsie. After sweeps of these conversations, you’re finally taking initiative.  
EH: What happened?  
HL: FucK YoU MargE  
EH: Do you want me to pap you?  
EH: I will, I swear to Gog.  
HL: FinE.  
HL: I WaS InviteD TO PlaY ThaT StupiD AsS GamE ThaT JU FounD  
HL: AnD HenrY Doesn’T WanT ME ON HiS TeaM  
EH: And? So what? There’s a second team, isn’t there?  
EH: I’m assuming whoever invited you to play wants you on their team.  
HL: WelL, YeaH.  
HL: BuT HenrY WaS MeaN A8ouT IT  
EH: How old are you, Madsie?  
EH: 3?  
EH: Get over it.  
EH: Breathe, I promise you that you are fine, and plenty pitied, and absolutely awful all at the same time.  
HL: 8largH  
HL: ThankS MargE  
HL: I KnoW I WaS OverreactinG  
HL: HE JusT ReallY GetS ON MY NerveS  
HL: ThankS ThougH  
HL: I PitY YoU ToO <>  
EH: Gross, you sap. <>  
HL: I’lL TalK TO YoU SooN OK?  
HL: ThankS FoR PappinG ME OveR TrolliaN  
EH: What else are moirails for?  
HL: HeH  
habituallyLewdicle [HL]  stopped trolling  elevatedHandspeech [EH]

Ah, your moirail. She always manages to calm you down, and sees things from a completely neutral and slightly against you point of view. She balances you out. You can’t imagine what you’d be without her. 

Moiraillegiances don’t tend to be as verbally abusive as this one is. She doesn’t hesitate to tell you that you’re being an asshole, or that you’re wrong, and that’s the kind of thing that you need to hear, even if you hate it sometimes. You know she’s right (which does make it worse occasionally). You are thinking more about your relationship, when suddenly- 

You are now this girl. 

Your name is MARGE CLEM. You are a JADE-BLOODED TROLL who has an EYE FOR FASHION and BRIGHTLY COLORED FABRICS. Your hobbies are very much a mystery to those around you, EVEN YOURSELF AT SOME TIMES, and you can get into quite a bit of mischief if nobody is watching you. You tend to be A LITTLE TOO UPTIGHT and HIGHSTRUNG, causing you quite a lot of stress as you try to look after all of your friends. Your MOIRAIL, Madsie, is quite POSSESSIVE OF YOU and reminds you that you are not responsible for anyone’s dumb behavior but his. Your weapon of choice is SAND and other DUST-RELATED ITEMS, most of which is HALLUCINOGENIC and has OTHER HARMFUL QUALITIES. You yourself are IMMUNE TO THIS SAND and carry its CURES WITH YOU. 

Your Trollian handle is elevatedHandspeech and you speak in a grammatically correct and elegant way that manages to be anonymous due to your lack of a typing quirk.

You have just woken up and are settling down at your computer, ready to talk to your very concerning friends. 


End file.
